question mark

hope...

hope...

hope...

dreams... it all started with dreams...

Dear God, i can't take any more... i don't want to wait until i breakdown or when something happens... i'm sorry...

i was thinking, when were the times i get a word of praise or an expression of love from my parents... its only when i work hard and achieve good results that they say 'keep it up'... its only when i'm crying alone in my room because i'm at my wits end and have no energy that they say 'its okay we love you'...

i worked... so hard, to earn that ' i'm proud of you'... i finally got it when i was 19... top student of CMS... 'wow'...

deardear came my place - supposedly to help me with work... but ended up i finished it cos my word count already met... den he left... i played piano... sang... den it was like this 'allison who are you doing all this for' feeling... so i stopped. and i was thought... den i felt this i-wish-deardear-were-here thing... den i started to cry... den mum came back... i ran into my room... cry somemore, silently...

i msg-ed deardear... but i guess his stomach was still aching. no reply... den realised project is in a mess cos 2 of my members are MIA...

mum came in... she gave me this bowl of abalone to eat... den i started to sob. so hug my mum and cry... i told her i was tired. which in fact i was...

den took and opened new tissue box... penguin msg me... i told her i'm crying... didn't really explain...

went online... janice talked to me on msn...

Janice says (10:44 PM):
well...and...erm....
i dun know if what im going to say will make u cry more.i hope not..
Sunshine!!! * TRANSFORMER-COW * Deuteronomy 31:6 says (10:44 PM):
orh
Janice says (10:44 PM):
but i will give it a go..
Janice says (10:45 PM):
i am very sure ur grandfather is with u all this while..and he is helping u...
yea...spiritually...he is there..
i remember u told me about him and you and...music..
i still remember...

okay..and i truely believe that....no matter how lil time u have to play that piece of music..
the time there gives u peace...
and im sure God's given talent for u is for a reason and purpose..

Janice says (10:50 PM):
i give u an online tissue and a big online tickle tickle tickle!
haha!

Janice says (10:52 PM):
haha! !!! wow! God really works in mysterious ways...
LOL!..suddenly thought if u were online and i said hi...
Sunshine!!! * TRANSFORMER-COW * Deuteronomy 31:6 says (10:52 PM):
huggies.
Janice says (10:52 PM):
its truely amazing!
Sunshine!!! * TRANSFORMER-COW * Deuteronomy 31:6 says (10:52 PM):
yeah =]

look at how God does wonders in my life... PRAISE the LORD!!!

then sings my soul... my saviour, God, to Thee... how great Thou art...

and u know... penguin's talking to me now... such a dear she is...

Father... thank You for the people You've put in my life... deardear's going into camp monday... although i do hope for his deferment to be approved, if its in Your plan for him to be there, then give me peace at heart and keep him safe at camp... i love You Father... Amen...

i gtg bathe. mum msn me to say go gao-gao-zhu...

bye... =]