Wednesday, September 2, 2009

no, i'm not lonely

it's just that nobody cares. nobody was EVER there. nobody understood. nobody can read my body-language. nobody asked if i was okay. nobody offered help.

everybody asks for help. everybody doesn't say 'thank you' when i make a sacrifice to be there. everybody doesn't look like Christ one bit.

why?

i try so hard. i get scolded. i am responsible for the weirdest things for the weirdest reasons. i make sacrifices. i sleep less. i study as and when i'm alive. i keep thinking. i don't stop praying. i keep suggesting. i keep getting 'no' as answers. i persevere.

and all i get after that is nothing.


Dear God, i don't live for returns on my 'investments' and sorts. i don't mind ZERO but i do mind negative. if this is what Jesus did for me and if i have to go through this to be more like Him, then please give me more strength before i collapse in the middle of the road again. if i'm pessimistic, forgive me for being 'realistic'. i can't help it; please grant me Your grace and mercy in the things i do and the things i have no choice but to do. and last but not least, if it is Your will for me to follow even though i don't understand, give me a willing heart and help me be strong to take any criticism. Amen.

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God still is the answer.

God still is the answer.

why i don't give up on me - my heavenly Father

why i don't give up on me - my heavenly Father