iThink

sometimes things wouldn't have to be so bad. we let opportunities slip, we miss the crucial tip, we cry and weep and no good comes to it. sometimes it's not that she didn't say it or ask... sometimes it's about the person on the other end...

some things never have to or should be said again... there may not be the need anyway, or the want...

my outer being

pleasing God, and pleasing man... pleasing the eyes of the One above, and those of the ones around - near and far... bowing to the Most High, and bowing to those around like a servant...

since when was pleasing man that necessary...

my self will never be the same... one with my outer being, but separate and individual... she will be one individual many others will never meet... only my outer self would have met her and will see her...

a veil, new clothes, gloves, and shoes... mark my words, both nouns and some specific verbs... many new ways, one, still, being; many different circumstances, in one same lifetime...

i write

i write letters to myself... i leave small little messages around to make myself happy... i give myself flowers here and there... =]

her story was sad

i don't believe that only Jesus can be a friend... i don't believe that only God's footprints can be seen alongside... i just think that human's footprints tend to be lagging behind or way in front or even going another direction - never beside...

if only humans try more to be like Jesus.

M is a no-no

things will change... and i guess i won't have a choice to it.

fear factor

dear dear asked me...

3 choose 1... all equal meal portion.

1. bugs (madagascar hissing cockroaches - known to be very juicy) covered in chocolate
2. abalone in extreme spice sauce (ma-lar-huo-guo kind of spicy)
3. durian (extremely pungent good stuff)

-.-|||

he wanted to change the first one to 'chocolate ants in ice cream'... i said no way - it was alive!!!

and he says alot of thing i eat used to be alive too. -.-

he's still stuck on the idea of wrapping my present in a durian shell... T.T for crying out loud...

my answer shall be revealed at a later date and time. =D

Jesus, thank You

Lord, You make all the tears and pain worthwhile... =] stay with me please.

Joanna is mad?

i'm talking to Joanna NOW. this instant.

she told me i must accept the fact that she's crazy. i'm like -.-...

i told her 'yar! accepted it and dealing with it!'.

and Joanna laughs like crazy again.

ya - again.

hate is a strong word

he comes home drunk friday nights. he's funny and witty at times. he's hardworking and loyal to the home unit. he loses his temper out of the blue in light of pent-up anger. he curses and swears. he shouts and is vulgar to his wife and children. yet he is the man whom i call 'daddy'. he does majority of the housework. he is always there for my sister. he tells the best jokes on earth in the funniest ways. he protects me in his own way. he loves my mother despite the quarrels and arguments. he loves my sister and sees good in her beneath all the disrespect and rudeness he gets in return.

she works darn hard for the family, for herself, for money and reputation. she is the most well-spoken person at home and she writes fluently. she is patient, loving, adoring and anything nice - only when she deems fit, as and when she likes. she is financially capable and independent. she quarrels with her husband often and will not admit defeat in an argument. she might keep silent and look dismayed, but she will think no wrong of herself. she contradicts herself but her arguments are often proven valid by herself. she is my mother. she loves my dad alot, a bold thing for a woman like her to try. she adores my sister and willingly gives her what she herself wants and wills to give; again, despite the arrogance and disrespect that return.

i - i'm home. and while this may not be a typical day at home, this is one of those days every week that i would do anything to avoid. i give, i give, and i give again... if i'm still unhappy and upset, if i still get disappointed and rejected, if they do what they seemingly do best, all i could do is to give...

give what? in a family, it's called 'give in'.

dear God, as a continue to love the people i love, teach me to love my family - even if it takes for me to start over and over again. thank You, Father. Amen.

creation4

BAND3

=D

=] =] =]

=D

=] =] =]

=D

=] =] =]

zzz... =D...

-.-... -.o... -.-... o.-...

:]... =]... =)...

=D!!! AHHHHH!!! =D

BAND2

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

i'm still very *h_i_g_h* from thinking about band!!! =D

ARRRRRHHHHHH!!! =D

i'm gonna D-R-E-A-M about BAND tonight!!!

BAND

i miss the feeling of sharp anticipation while standing backstage... i miss the fear the my lao-gong's slide [my trombone slide] will hit my music stand and every stand on the trumpet-trombone row will fall like dominos... i miss being so exceptionally excited before each competition and major performance that i sleep 3 hours and feel total refreshment and rejuvenation... i miss the times of HIMB... i miss SRJCSB...

when i became Section Leader at sec 3, Band Major ShuAn wrote a letter to me saying that she knew my section was in good hands... she told me something i will never forget not regret...

once a band member, always a band member...

practices are mondays and saturday mornings... =/ hopefully i can go saturday morning... =D

the feeling of stepping into the band room is like : AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

can't stop smiling!!! =D

creation3 - stoopid.

SHOES!!! =] =/ =( haix... i don't even need them... but i like... ARHGGGGG.

creation2

God is my answer... what's yours? =]

creation

=] i like.

crying versus peeing

crying... the release of emotions - frustration, fatigue, agitation, agony, grief, sadness, fear, confusion, and so many more... feels like peeing the batch of pee that was held in for a very long time...

what is this to you?

opinion... not influence.

there was a Story

there was a Particular Room.

there are a few Doors to the Particular Room.

each Door can be opened through several Methods - knocking, shouting at it, banging, using a crow-bar, searching for a key to try the lock IF IT IS LOCKED... or just turning the handle, if it's not locked...

i cannot understand how Person can bang and scream at the Door, and not notice the Other Door...

sick2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R12QVtuB0_Q&feature=video_response

i miss Michael Jackson's era...

sick - fever - bode ache - blaaaarrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

complain

it takes alot of effort to make a person look good... but why do people see it as a need, rather than a want?

fever... flu... nose stuck... shoulders ache... i'm dying...

HARHAR drama!!! =]

i dreamed a dream

a white dog in my dream... but not really white... 'Dark White'... =] woh-woh... =]

i miss the 'glory days'...

in the olden days [of my life i mean, haha], glory was plain old band, 'Go West', marching, foot drill, getting scolded, scolding juniors, practising till mouth perpetually smiles, being afraid of SLs and BMs and DMs... we get tonnes of disgusting music time and the occasional hair-lifting effect...

the way the hair-lifting times make do as compensation for the times of horror during rehearsals... it's like... i dunno... it's like a mother going through pregnancy and raising a horribly naughty child, just to get a weird but very real sense of joy in just loving her child... totally not worth it, but in the end it feels totally right...

i miss my piano, i miss band, i miss the 'glory days'... i can give it all up to make way for school, family and for ministry...

am i in the position to question if it's worth it? i have the choice - commit my time to band and piano, or give it to His church...