tired thursday

today: woke up at 10 (must have dreamt of my shuai ge, thought of him when i woke up, har har), washed up, went to compass (supposed to meet huda at 1245) to walk around first, put my bag at bossini 803, went with Xieli to "rob the bank" (she shared with me that her fang-dong and fang-dong-tai-tai quarreled and problems etc, we came back with a huge bag of coins, weicai was complaining, hahah), walk around metro (i SO am gonna buy that top. har har), went to interchange to find huda ( HUA her hair so diff lar. and she look so lady-lady, hahaha, but she still walk abit like a guy), went to BK to eat (chatted, her issues, she registered for private As but if no need can get refund, asshole, talk about results and her teaching, etc and about if we cannot get into uni - O MAN that sucks =( - and about ex-college-mates), go popular (huda searches for malay assesment book, paid for the book and got discount with my popular card), went downstiars atrium to look at metro sales of bags and shoes (that stupid woman, search and look around and so super picky about bags' size and whether they suit her, i almost died on the spot), went DMK to look around, i went back bossini take my bag from store, we went off, i went to Cristofori, had lesson at 3.30 den prac till almost 6, walked home, dad quarreling with mum and somethin' about what sis' and mum said about his fetching them or not etc, i didn't intrude, i took off my eyes (i meant my contact lenses) and went to read Time mag, had dinner (dad cooked his fish soup with chapalang prawn and fishballs and meatballs and veg and whatever, super nice, thanks dad =) harhar).

highlight: @ Cristofori today: went into room 5 (my teacher's room, which is my lesson venue, where the piano has such piercing sound and is so horribly in tune i can't stand it) to practice first, mr wong came at about 2.50, so i went into room 4 (beside the toilet, where the piano is MUCH more mellow, sounds more boing-y and is my fav classroom =] har har) and practiced (just too bad no metrenome and so idiotic practicing without one) till lesson time, had lesson... didn't prac much this week, fingers were weak and wobbling all over the ivory keys and i was like SO paiseh, freak, and my scales were horrible - 6th apart, 3rd apart, dominant seventh chords, diniminshed seventh chords, chromatic third apart - o man... can see mr wong face change, haix, after lesson he reminded me internal exam in june... ARRG =[ God help me, o man... haix... allison allison, come on, at least 5 hours a day... you gotta be disciplined...

reflections:

when i heard dad quarreling with mum: hm, somehow since JC i've slowly become quiet, and i rarely dispute their viewpoints nor speak of being cruelly realistic, i've complained less and done things as best as i can on my part... however, it still does bother me, though much lesser relative to the past, when they quarrel over such mundane matters that can be easily solved if they actually put in effort to listen closely and not try to be defensive when there's no need to... well, all that matters is that they still love each other... =]

at piano practice, alone in room 4, after lesson: practiced like as if "hell broke lose" and i banged the piano like anything, only after 15 minutes of Allegro did i realise that my last and fourth finger on my right hand were PAIN and throbbing and almost bleeding. shit... i put plaster on the fourth, den took it off and replaced it on the last, den decided put it on my feet since i got blister, otherwise i think the plaster 'd just ERODE due to abrasion... oops, i meant, weather off. haix, sad and upset that i can't seem to being out my best during lesson... i wanted to cry already, nearing 5.30, cos my finger really hurt and i bloody hell cannot reach the notes in the Fugue, and i got a GRADE 8 exam and no such pianist of my level will say she can't reach the note, and yet i just have to admit to that humiliating fact. haix, i'm sorry, maybe it ain't humiliating, but it's not exactly motivating knowing that you can't reach the notes that you HAVE to TO DO WELL. distinction distinction distinction ah allison... =/

walking home: thought of the times that a special someone to me (then) walked with me down that road... the time he stood there and refused to budge till i sang a note for him and i stormed off angry and didn't bother till he just had to give up and go home... those were the times i thought, why was it so difficult for me to do something for someone i love, why was i still so shy... he had patience in me, he never gave up, had faith in me... but now, thinking back, maybe it's just THEN that he loved me... feelings fade i guess, especially when, for him, he's got tonnes of girls who like him... then again, maybe it's just his own idea that they liked him... or rather, for that matter, it doesn't bother me at all, for i know that regardless of all these, we had a good relationship that just ended badly that's all... ... i have loads to be thankful for... look at the churches near my house, the places around, the waffle antie that is so nice and friendly, i can walk the paths home knowing i'm safe and there won't be anything like a bomb blast. what more can i ask for, i've got an awesome family tree, i've got a heart-load of lovely friends, i've got all that i need, i eat enough, i drink enough, i have MUSIC in my life and i have God!!! i am thankful, dear God, i am...

=] well... i shall end here. i just transfered some yanni songs into my phone... =]. gonna see to that my sis' PW-PI is printed out later... i'll go bathe, den come out and have Quiet-time with GOD the almighty, =]...

and dear God, from the bottom of my heart, thank You for the love and grace showered upon me... thank You Holy Spirit for giving me comfort, ALOT of it, when i was in benign denial of the fact that him and i were over. thank You God for showing me that Jesus Christ loves me and has sacrificed His life for me, a sinner, and thank You Father for loving me so unconditionally... =]...

Au Revoir!!! =]