help

ARHHHHHH... oh my gosh...

haix. take my life please.

why is home like this...

why, Father, why...







give me strength...

what home feels like

dear God...

i have to write to You today... i feel sick... really sick... not physically... emotionally sick, to be exact.

Father, will You please reveal to me - why do my parents say things that sound so very hurtful? they dote on my sister, and yet when they say or do things so selfishly, it really hurts me and mei alot... can't they tell? why do they always say that we - me and sis - have grown up and are straying away and so they shouldn't 'bother' us or else we'd supposedly 'tell them off'... i really don't see myself doing that - i speak to them respectfully, i occaionally joke around but never to the extent of insulting my parents. my sis can have the liberty to say all she wants...

Father, i don't ask for them to love me as much as they do my sister. i don't dare ask for them to be the model parents in the world... i just hope they could be a little more understanding and respectful in the way they speak to and about me...

i'm gonna be 20 soon, but i don't expect myself to 'leave' the house. why do they say that of me? yes, i have a boyfriend, it doesn't mean i'll get myself pregnant. can't they trust me? i go out alot, yes, but it doesn't mean i'll take drugs or smoke. they still don't believe me...

have i done anything wrong? Father is this Your test for me? please save me, i don't think i can take it any longer...

i'm stuck, get me out. please...


love always,

Your child... allison.

back again...

YO YO WORLD!!! =]

belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!! =]

okay... long time no update... anyway... hm...

okay... camp was great great GREAT!!! =] basically, great. =] i'm glad to see some of the newcomers join us for service... =] WOOHOO... =]

yeah... apologies to Bei... after my exams, i had a week to prepare for camp, den the camp took my entire week, den after the camp we had the week of Christmas with the service and the many preparations etc... den it's this final week left, and i rushed to change my lecture grouping... =/ sorry bei...i owe u 2 movie marathons k... =] anyway u take care hor... don't always eat heaty stuff... =] and thanks for being such a CRAZY friend of mine... =] miss ya!!!

hm... and there were many stuff... many... o yeah... spent Christmas with my superman, Alex... =] yay... thank God mum and dad allowed... ooo and biao-yee came to spend Christmas with us. =] i hope to see the whole malaysian family real soon!!! =]

spent one afternoon out shopping with mum and dad on sat... bought S$200 worth of stuff... my gosh... my mum was in such a glorious mood. HARHAR =] den had to rush to do usher duty for Boys Brigade event at church... ended up playing piano while pris foo led... yeah...

i'm quite happy with the timetable, =] fridays are free for me to focus on piano and cell group. =] YAY =] den i can resume my 2 hour quiet-time for fridays... =] WOO yay =]

its just amazing... how much God loves me... how much He has blessed me... =] thank you Father...

haix... on the other side...

sometimes things get abit tough...

family, relatives... all the times i just feel inferior to sis...

and when i have to pretend it doesn't matter when people say things that hurt me...

God, i can only depend on You...

and there's another, yet again, problem...

shouldn't be, but yet... the feeling keeps probing me...

what are you? if u're not up to any good, please leave me... i don't like this feeling...

i'll be 20 soon...

when? when am i going to fulfill my dream?

ever? or never?

Father, i can only trust You...

when i finish studying at 22... will my parents still rule over my life?

will superman and sunshine last?

Father, only You know all...

God, i trust You...

i'm holding on, never letting go...

You are my last bit of hope...

dad went out... i'm gonna play piano... =] WOO yay =] huggies world, get well soon!!! =]

Au Revoir!

more to come

hello world...

dearest earth, i'm boered... i went to read the Time magazine just now, and i see so many pages of articles written about how you are doing... you're not well - how are u? although i see alot of stuff written about saving the earth - there was one about PAYING countries to reduce deforestation, which is like o-my-gosh lar wa lao eh - and yet i don't see the biggest polluter in the world doing anything. and seriously, Iceland's talking about the PROMISE of GEOTHERMAL energy, as if the countries have enough guts to take up the risk of using the money to build up the entire geothermal energy thingy lar...

-.- i'm bored... sis in hongkong... mum studying for exams, i can't really go out, dad's home watching tv, i can't play piano, i can only go online... seriously, i might as well go back to school lor... the only difference is that now that its hols i can sleep longer...

=] i'm looking at my box of Ferrero Rocher... in front of me... i feel like eating one... =] hehe...

nah... i shall call my dear... o man... church is so messy now... haix... huggies to myself... =]...

=] adios earth... =]

Au Revoir...

final paper

hello world!!! =]

it's 4th december... i've got a final paper tmr... STAT 1060... YAY~!!!...

=D yay yay yay=]

sis went hongkong yesterday... =] i realise, SERIOUSLY, my sis is such an adorable human-being... =] u should go into facebook to look at her pictures... HARHAR... how can u not love her...

o yeah... and i love my brothers too!!! =] so CUTE lar alamak... =] Lumpy is beside me now... =] hehehe... ARRRRRHHHHHH =] hehehe. SO CUTE!!! =] and my didi is there near my window... i think he's sleeping, but not very sure cos his eyes are open. =] HARHAR =] so cute!!!

had econs paper today... den during lunch today i realise i'm REALLY blessed... i have my hubbie, i have my brothers and sisters in Christ, i have friends who go crazy calling me a cowcow which i'm not [i'm SO not a cow, i don't look like one, those who say i look like one are just blinded by my BRIGHT-ness], i have my dear tigger and lumpy brothers, i got my family, i have a roof over my head, i have a bed, i have 2 pillows for my big-brain [HARHAR come'on laugh with me, hahaha], i've got a bolster to help me feel warm at night, i have my FAVOURITE lime-green furry blanket, i've got a table, i have a chair, i have a laptop, i have contact lenses that is my mum's attempt to make me look prettier [though i'm abit blind now], i've got shoes and slippers and heels [though the heels absolutely kill me sometimes], i've got my PRECIOUS handphone [that's why i SO don't need to carry an extra load of an mp3 player - my phone is fantastic man], i've got clothes [enough to keep me warm, helps me NOT feel naked; and enough to make me feel human - i'm NOT a cow], i've got tissue boxes in my room [i figured in some countries u only find those at hotels], i have air-con and fan in my room, i've got heater in my bathroom, ... ... i've got my darling darling piano... and last and definitely not the least - in fact this is the best [they always say save the best for the last] - i have God... =]

yay monday going hubbie's place - movie marathon... YAY!!! =] i'm still trying to persuade him to let me bring my third brother tigger along... =] hehehe... dear, i love u, HUGGIES... =]

o yeah... i can't wait to go SHOPPING, SLACKING... i wanna buy clothes, buy shoes, cut hair [mum, PLS i don't wanna rebond my hair - it'd look like barbie's hair when dry and mee-sua when wet], clear my room [maybe only, hehehehe, but most likely it'd have to wait, WAR HARAHR], buy files, buy more tigger stuff, do CHRISTMAS SHOPPING [yay, i'm so excited *big smile*], sleep a hundred years [harhar, i SO wish], eat FOOD FOOD GOOD FOOD [o yeah, and gain weight *hehehe MOO-arharhar*], and yet... i wanna save money... -.-... how contradicting... box me pls...

oookay... i gotta go nap, cos i'm VERY tired and sleep and either one or both... den i complete my stat's cheat-sheet - one more chapter!!! yay... den i go meet my dear, and i gotta to buy pen from popular. =D

love u world!!! =]

o yeah, Dear God, i love u too... =] huggies...

goodnight!!!

Au Revoir!