what home feels like

dear God...

i have to write to You today... i feel sick... really sick... not physically... emotionally sick, to be exact.

Father, will You please reveal to me - why do my parents say things that sound so very hurtful? they dote on my sister, and yet when they say or do things so selfishly, it really hurts me and mei alot... can't they tell? why do they always say that we - me and sis - have grown up and are straying away and so they shouldn't 'bother' us or else we'd supposedly 'tell them off'... i really don't see myself doing that - i speak to them respectfully, i occaionally joke around but never to the extent of insulting my parents. my sis can have the liberty to say all she wants...

Father, i don't ask for them to love me as much as they do my sister. i don't dare ask for them to be the model parents in the world... i just hope they could be a little more understanding and respectful in the way they speak to and about me...

i'm gonna be 20 soon, but i don't expect myself to 'leave' the house. why do they say that of me? yes, i have a boyfriend, it doesn't mean i'll get myself pregnant. can't they trust me? i go out alot, yes, but it doesn't mean i'll take drugs or smoke. they still don't believe me...

have i done anything wrong? Father is this Your test for me? please save me, i don't think i can take it any longer...

i'm stuck, get me out. please...


love always,

Your child... allison.