sorry Abba Daddy

Dear God,

sorry for the times when i complain and i fuss and i worry and i get anxious and i get stressed and i get tired... sorry for the times i made Alex worry for me, for the times he got frustrated cos i'm shutting up and the times he got irritated because things like that happen a thousand in a thousand times... sorry that i create extra trouble for myself by thinking i can always make a difference... sorry that i think if i do less of other stuff i might have energy to do more work... sorry for the times i speak badly about people and myself... sorry for being critical... sorry for being sensitive... sorry that i am really difficult to please because i expect the best... sorry that i'm just horribly incapable of managing my time well; and sorry for giving excuses like 'it's not my fault that there're last minute stuff' or 'THEY changed things AGAIN'... sorry for being picky about the people i work with... sorry for being picky even with ministry... sorry that i only want to play piano, i don't want to work i don't wanna study i don't want to do anything but music...

and i'm sorry for doubting that i would ever make it... i know that, just like Job, if i can accept good things from You, why in the world wouldn't i accept trials and testings... i also know that You have purposed me to follow one path and that's Jesus' way... You told me to do things - i haven't accomplished them because i'm not confident and i'm afraid and many other self-related reasons... i know i can't keep pointing at my pastor of my leader for fulfilling what You wanted for me - i have to do that myself. if it really pleases You i will start with today. if it pleases You that much i can even do that when i'm sleeping, maybe... haha.

Father, give me patience - willingness to wait for Your time. Father, give me strength - supernatural strength when i have none. Father, give me vision - to see the destiny You have for me. Father, give me wisdom - to know when to wait, and when to act immediately. one more thing, if You would grant me, please show me clearly - play or no - because all the things i see now are man's signals; i want a God-signal.

thank You Father for loving me and for listening to me talk and talk... i wonder if You ever get tired... hm... i wonder if You are afraid of tickles? many other things - things the Bible didn't say about You. anyway, i will be meeting You soon - will find out then. =D love You. Amen.